Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
