someone threw a dead crab at me
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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