No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
