i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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