you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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