That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
