Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
