it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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