Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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