Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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