Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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