Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
