M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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