I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we made out on top of his cat.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
