Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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