Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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