me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
