well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
