Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
