just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
