what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
