put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
