I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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