they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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