I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Enjoy the penises
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
