dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
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My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
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Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize