I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
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Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
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Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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