I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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