Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
