angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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