you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
