you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
