He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
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I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
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This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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