I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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