Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
