hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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