I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
