The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
