I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
