I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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