finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
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