So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
