guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize