Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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