So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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