He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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