guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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