Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
