hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
