I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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