I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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