someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
