its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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