Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
