you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
