Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
