evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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