We need to rekindle our bromance
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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