I'm eating all of the evidence.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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