You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
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He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
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She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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