WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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