im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
